Thursday, April 26, 2012
Settling. Breathing. Enjoying.
Tonight
as I sit here alone
I'm thinking
"How the {HECK} did we end up here?"
"Why the {HECK} did all of this have to happen?"
And in the same breath
{thought}
I'm thinking
How
{BLESSED}
are we?!
In the last 4 months
our little family
has been through
{HELL}
and back!
We've experienced
pain and grief
that some will never
have to.
{and I'm so glad for them!}
We've begun a journey
that nobody ever
thinks about taking.
We've joined a club that
{NOBODY}
wants to be a member of.
But you know what else
these last 4 months have brought?
Blessing
after blessing
after blessing
after
{BLESSING}
We were able to be with our family
in our absolute weakest and most vulnerable moment.
We were able to be surrounded by
some of the most amazing friends that anyone could ask for.
We've been cared for and loved
in ways that I can't even understand.
We've been able to raise money for an organization that suddenly became important to us because of our great sadness and we've been encouraged through the journey.
{learn more about that here}
We.Are.Blessed
The Lord has used the people around us
to encourage us
love us
support us
and
teach us
some of the most valuable lessons we've ever learned.
It's been 8 weeks
(yesterday)
since our Sweet Daphne
came silently into this world.
Since our hopes of another little princess faded.
Since my very big and full tummy became empty.
{Since she}
{moved mountains
{with her short life}
I can't say
"It's all better! Hooray!"
It will never be.
A day will not go by that I won't think of my sweet girl.
But I can say that it's getting easier.
I don't cry everyday.
I can genuinely enjoy my beautiful family
{although missing one member}
without feeling guilty.
I can see and hold and enjoy the beautiful babies in my life
without feeling a deep aching sadness
that I don't have my Daphne.
Life is starting to get back to a
reflection
of "normal"
before Daphne.
Life will never be "normal".
You lose the ability to live a
{NORMAL}
life when your secretly known as
"The Woman Who's Baby Died".
People don't ask questions like
"How are you doing?"
in passing at work
because they're afraid of what my answer might be.
But it's getting to a place where people
look me in the eyes and are genuinely happy to see me
and don't feel the need to
"be careful"
around me.
Yes
life is getting back to a reflection of
"Normal"
We're settling
into a space that we can call our own
for the next few months
{Thank you to the Bolen's}
I'm back to work.
It's hard work
but I'm really enjoying it.
Life is moving along
at quite a crisp pace.
And the Lord is
BLESSING
us.
Never how I would have chosen.
Never how I would have asked.
But
I know now more than ever
that
I'm the
{LUCKIEST}
girl.
From the bottom of my heart
I can't say
{Thank You}
enough.
For all that you've done
and continue to do.
My heart is
Sad and Achey still
But above all my heart is
{FULL}
I will never be
{normal}
again
But I will forever
be
blessed
{in abundance!}
I pray the Lord will bless you all
the way you have touched our lives and blessed us.
We love you.
 |
| As E says "Wook! Dey Dafunee's faowuh's! For you... from us. I hope they make you smile as much as they make me. |
Subscribe to:
Post Comments
(Atom)
Want to message me?
Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope
If you have found yourself on the journey of pregnancy or infant loss, I encourage you to join this blog. A community of families that know the journey well.
We love you you have a talent of writing
ReplyDeleteHL
Love you Daggett family!!!! Thank you for continueing to share your story and showing that Jesue most definately will take us not only through the hurt but more importantly past it. And no matter how long it has been when your heart hurts for your incrediable loss He will be there holding you.
ReplyDeleteCarrie
Dear Jessica,you don't know me but your life story has touched and helped me in my process of healing as I too lost a full termed baby due to negligence.
ReplyDeleteYou have been able to do so many things that so many others have not been able to do in moving forward. eg. write about your journey, join a club, raise funds etc. It's been painful enough for me and my family, I just wish sometimes it was all a dream and never really happened but through it all I've learnt to trust in Jesus. I tell myself that I've gotten over since this happened in October of 2010 but every now and then.............woo!!! But God is able to keep us until that day.