As E says "Wook! Dey Dafunee's faowuh's! For you... from us. I hope they make you smile as much as they make me.

Today has been one that has challenged me.It has challengedmy patience{in more ways than one}my heartandmy faith.
I have been challenged by my prayersnot being answered the way I've wanted them to be.My selfishness has{in moments}overcome my ability to trustthat the Lord's plan is better than my own.
TodayI have found myselfso bitterly angry. 
I know that allowing ourselvesto feel all of our emotionsis a healthy part of grief but I'm going to be honest{I don't like it!}
I wish my emotions would just alwayscome out in anunderstandingpatientandloving way.{yeah...not going to happen}
Today my heart brokeat the news ofsome friends of ours losing theirsweet babySophie Abigail.
They've been battlingthrough a very tough pregnancyandlittle Sophie's heart wasn'tstrong enough to keep fighting. 
{cue my intense anger} I've been prayingand prayingand prayingthat the Lord would perform a miracle.That Sophie would be born and thather heart and lungs would be strong.That she would live a longand beautiful lifewith her Mommy and Daddy.
{That's what would be best!}{Isn't it?!}
~Proverb 19:21~ "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, 
   but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails."
At first I struggled with this. What if my plans are good?My plans don't hurt anyone.Why can't my plans prevail?!
Then I think about all the plansI've made that maybe weren't soselfless and well thought out.And in those moments how{GLAD} I was that the Lord was sovereignover my not so good plans. 
I guess I should bejust as willing to surrendertheseGOODplans to Him. 
~Jeremiah 29:11~{I know I've shared this before...}{It's just that good!}"For I know the plans I have for you.Plans to prosper you and NOT to harm you.Plans for a hope and a future."
But this doesn't feel good!I'm not prospering, Sophie's mommy and daddy aren't prospering...
Heartache and Deep Sorrowdon't even scratch the surfaceof the feelings...
But our Lord is the Great Healer.He is the Great Comforter.He is the only One who truly knows our hearts.He is faithful.
Nate, Steph, I pray that you would cling to the Lord. That He would pour out His peace on you both. That you would find comfort in His Word.This is a journey that no one ever dreams of facingand you've been thrust into it full force.Seek His truths in it all andallow yourselves to be weak.Because in our weakness He is our strength.
I hope that our girls are enjoying the Lord together. DancingandLivingfull of joy. 

I've written andre-written this posta million timesin my head.
And nothing is right. 
Nothing is enough.
Nothing makes me feel better. So I'm just going to go for it and see what comes out.Here goes nothin'!
This is a day I've anticipated since July 27, 2011.Since the moment I first learnedthat there was a little life growing in my bodythat would join us on April 8, 2012.
{Our Little Easter Bunny}
I've dreamednight after night about this day. 
I've dreaded this day sinceFebruary 26, 2012.Since the moment I first learned that the little life growing inside my body{No. Longer. Had. Life.}
I've had nightmaresnight after night about this day. I've reached my due date.The day that my daughter was{supposed}to come into our worldand give us joy andfill us with even more love. 
Insteadall I'm full of is {EMPTINESS}
My wombthat should still be {full}is instead{EMPTY}
My armsthat should be {full}are instead{EMPTY}
The little Easter dress I boughtanticipating she'd be earlythat should be {full}is instead{EMPTY}
THIS CAN'T BE REAL!I hate that~THIS~this horrible nightmareis my{reality}
I hate that {DEATH}has crushed my dreamsof being a mommy of two.
I'm hurt.I'm angry.I'm broken.I'm sad.andI feel so very{EMPTY}
April 8th, 2012{Easter Sunday}
A day that has two very differentbutvery important meanings to me.
The day the world celebrates{LIFE}I'm struggling and mourning{death}The day the Christian world celebratesthe resurrection of our SaviorI'm thinking about the celebration thatI don't get to have with my sweet Daphne. 
I've found myself drowning innegative thoughtsandgrumpiness over this past week.Everywhere I go I see!!!!babies, babies, babies!!!!Every stinkin' thing I see somehow manages to remindme of what I've lost. 
And nowEaster is hereand my Daphne is not. 

I feel like there's no hope.I feel like it will never be "better".I feel like her death consumes me.
{I.FEEL.EMPTY}
But on this Easter SundayI know there IS hope.I know it WILL get better.I know Death does NOT consume me.
{why?}
Because whilemy tummy is {empty}&my arms are{empty}
{THE.TOMB.IS.EMPTY}!!!!!!!!!
This isn't just anideological"Christian" belief...
It's historical people!Check the books!
That hole that Jesus' body was placed in after his{DEATH}is {EMPTY}
Why? How? 
Because He. Is. Risen.He is alive. He has new life. 
And because of that truthmy heart has{peace} My heart has{joy}My Mommy Heart has{COMFORT}knowing that my sweet Daphne is enjoying life. The most amazing life any of us could dream of.Eternal life with the God of the Universe!
She's celebrating our Lord this{Resurrection Day}She's singing"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord Almighty!"She's dancing[with her PERFECT toes]in praise of our God. 
My God is Alive.and My Sweet, Beautiful DaphneIs. Alive. 
She may not be here where I want her, She may not be wiggling and gurglingand making sweet newborn cooey soundsthat I want to enjoy, But she's bringing a smile to the face of God.She's with the people I love that the Lord has taken.She's filled with joy and love and smiles.She's filled with {LIFE}
What more could a mommy ask for?
I love you sweet Daphne. I miss you more than I'll ever be able to express.I long for the moment I get to hold you again. Dance to your little heart's content.
Happy Easter Friends.Celebrate our Savior.Celebrate New Life. 

I've been thinking aboutwriting for days.But every time I sitand thinkI get {MAD}!
Everywhere I look I see lives{Falling Apart}
People I love{hurting}
Parents{mourning}
Marriages{failing}
Families{broken}
Individuals making{STUPID}decisions without any considerationfor the hearts and well being of the people reaping the{awful}consequences of those actions.
{WHAT THE HECK?!}
It's times like these when I find myself{ANGRY}
I find myself asking"Why is this happening, Lord?!""What are we supposed to learn from this terror?!""How is this glorifying Your name?!""How is this for our good?!"
¹ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? 

   Why are you so far from saving me, 

   so far from my cries of anguish? 

² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, 

   by night, but I find no rest.^[b]

 ³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; 

   you are the one Israel praises.^[c] 

⁴ In you our ancestors put their trust; 

   they trusted and you delivered them. 

⁵ To you they cried out and were saved; 

in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

~Psalm 22:1-5

Those first 2 verses speak exactly what I'm feeling.

"Why aren't you fixing it? Do something!"

{YET}

as the Psalmist says,

He is Holy.

He has

{ALWAYS}

delivered His children

when they've
{TRUSTED}

Him.

Gee... there's that {trust} thing again...

who'da thought?

I'm not saying bad things happen because 

we don't trust the Lord. 

{please don't get me wrong}

What I'm saying

{or trying to at least}

is that in our

trials

hurt

mourning

failure

brokenness

God is still God.

He's the same God that we praise when everything in life is 

{Peachy Keen}

He's the same God that blesses our lives with sweet moments of

{Peace and Solace}

so then

He must be the God we {TRUST} when the 

Earth is quaking

and our very existence is being shattered.

He must be the God we allow to

{MOVE}

our hearts

when we are numb to all things.

He 

{MUST}

be the 

{CENTER}

of our lives.

***

(see footnote at the bottom)

Otherwise, we put our trust and our hope

in things that are fleeting.

In things that will not satisfy.

Things that may have a sweet taste in the temporal

but in the end

disappointment and defeat

always leave a bitter hunger.

I struggle to hold onto the Hope that we are given.

I struggle to trust that the Lord will make all things new.

But I know that He is good.

He has never failed to

{mend}

broken hearts

{comfort}

the mourning

or

{heal and strengthen}

 the weak.

He.Never.Fails

I'm going to pray

{and, yes, I'm going to write it down}

please pray with me.

{I cannot force you.}

{If you chose not to, feel free to skip to the bottom}

God, 

You are Holy.

You are gracious and faithful.

We are unworthy, yet you bless us.

We are selfish, yet you give.

We are weak and cannot fight these battles on our own.

Praise you that, because of your sacrifice,

we do not have to.

The battle is yours.

The battle is won

and

Death cannot defeat us.

Our cry is one of deep pain and sadness.

God, for those in pain, I ask that you heal them.

For marriages that are failing,

I ask that you mend and rebuild them,

so that they might glorify you.

For parents that mourn their children,

I ask that you be our comfort.

For those we love that have run from you,

I beg that you meet them in their darkest moments

and rescue them.

You have promised that in you 

we are all new creations. 

Thank you for making us new.

Lord, use us to glorify Your name.

Use our lives as vessels and examples of your 

enduring love and faithfulness.

Be glorified.

In the holy name of Jesus, we pray these things.

-Amen 

As we spend our days in strugglesand fighting for things thatmean so much to us, let's remember that there is a Greater storybeing written and good will come out of it. 
I want to know how I can be praying for you!{even if you don't believe in prayer}Please, tell me how I can be praying.Email me, Facebook me, Comment(if you're comfortable)We can't do things on our own.We need one another.And we need to trust that God knows His plans.That all these things in life, no matter how difficult, truly areFor His Glory and Our Good.


***[I challenge you to read the book of Job. It's a little bit long, but worth the read. If you don't own a Bible and you want one, please tell me. I'll get you one!]

Over the last monthI've been trying to decide what exactly I want this blog to be.
I've come to the decision thatI really do want to use this as a toolto share our storyto share our lifeto be available for familiesthat are experiencing similarthings their lives.I want this to be used for His Glory and Our Good.
I'm excited.I'm nervous.but I'm Doing It.
A new friend and old acquaintanceat

designed the fancy new look.She's wonderful. Please check her out!!Please look around and enjoy.

P.S.A new post is in the works.But as always... I'm a thinker {perfectionist if you will}and so I'm taking my time So keep your eyes peeled.