For His Glory and Our Good: May 2013

I've stayed away out of self control.

I didn't want to spill the beans too soon.
So now that the news is out
{mostly}
I have to say Man, oh Man! I've been itching to write!
For those of you who're not currently
{in the loop}
here's the news:

On January 29th, one month before Daphne's 1st birthday,

we found out that we would once again get to experience the excitement
of waiting for a new baby.

We have kept the news to ourselves for quite a while.
Somewhat out of fear.
Somewhat out of desire for time to reflect.

But mostly to be sure

{as sure as we can be}

that things are going well.

I must say that the first 3 1/2 months were nerve wracking.

We found out early on that I

{once again}

had developed a subchorionic hemorrhage.

This is something that I had with Daphne that ultimately put me on bed rest at

28 weeks due to pre-term labor starting at 21 weeks.

I was monitored closely for those first several weeks.

Then at 13 weeks, an ultrasound revealed that the hemorrhage was gone!!

{Praise the Lord!!!}

Not even a little bit remaining.

And Baby #3 was growing perfectly.

Little sighs of relief.

This has been a journey I

{NEVER}

could have anticipated.
I've wanted nothing more than to be pregnant again for the last year,

and now, we're here

and it's so overwhelmingly surreal.

I've been asked a lot of questions.

Questions like:

{How did you get up the guts to get pregnant again?}

... uh... not sure how to answer that...

{I bet you're SUPER relieved to know that you'll have a baby this time, huh?}

...well, I'm hoping that we'll get to bring this baby home!...

{Aren't you afraid the same thing will happen again?}

...Absolutely! But I can't live in fear and I'm battling every day to choose joy in this...

And the most recent, on Mother's Day this past weekend...
(and probably the hardest one I've been asked)

{I bet this Mother's Day is WAY better than last year's, huh? Being pregnant with your "rainbow" must really make you feel a lot better!}

Yikes... well, no not really.

Here's the thing... {yes, it's going to get a littttle deep... that's how I roll}
I still ache for Daphne to be with us physically. She is every bit a part of our family as anyone else. We miss her terribly and long for the day we get be with her again. A new pregnancy doesn't magically make that go away.
Everyday I have to wake up and choose to trust that Lord has a great plan for our family and this new little life.
{Ah-ha! Now don't get me wrong here!}
I choose to trust that the Lord will carry us through this. That DOES NOT mean that I trust that the Lord will deliver to us a living, breathing baby.
{as difficult as it is to accept... His plans > My plans} regardless of how things turn out.
Do I have {HOPE} that this new life will be delivered to us? Yes. A million times, {YES}
A phrase often heard in the Pregnancy and Infant Loss world is {"Rainbow Baby"}
The idea behind this phrase goes back to Genesis {the first book of the Bible} After the flood waters begin to recede and Noah and his family begin to have {HOPE} that they might get off that {stinky} boat, God makes a covenant with Noah. He says - in Genesis 9:11"I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the Earth."
So basically the correlation is that people see a subsequent pregnancy {after a loss} as a "promise" that this new baby will live. A "promise" that they won't endure the pain and anguish of loss again.
Well, here I am, {Mary, Mary, quite contrary} to tell you... This baby is NOT my "Rainbow".
I have no promise that my baby will be born to me breathing.
I have no covenant that this child will not be ushered into God's glory before birth. But I DO have this promise: "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
A promise from God that He not only has a plan, but that it's good. And I will gain from it. {Regardless of the outcome!}
And in that promise, I have rest. I can be joyful. I can have {HOPE} that this journey, no matter how rocky, will prove to be the biggest blessing of our lives.
As we {together} walk this path of uncertainty {TRUSTING} that God will place each step in front of the other
and {DESIRING} His will in our life... We will be blessed.
It may look like a lot of different things, but it will always be {for His glory and our good}.
Please continue to pray with us as we excitedly anticipate this new chapter in our life.
We are beyond blessed with some {AMAZING} prayer warriors and we know that through it all, we are loved.

Blessings to you, dear friends!

P.S. I promise we'll tell you what we're having. Just not yet :)

{A Promise}

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