I've written andre-written this posta million timesin my head.
And nothing is right.
Nothing is enough.
Nothing makes me feel better. So I'm just going to go for it and see what comes out.Here goes nothin'!
This is a day I've anticipated since July 27, 2011.Since the moment I first learnedthat there was a little life growing in my bodythat would join us on April 8, 2012.
{Our Little Easter Bunny}
I've dreamednight after night about this day.
I've dreaded this day sinceFebruary 26, 2012.Since the moment I first learned that the little life growing inside my body{No. Longer. Had. Life.}
I've had nightmaresnight after night about this day. I've reached my due date.The day that my daughter was{supposed}to come into our worldand give us joy andfill us with even more love.
Insteadall I'm full of is {EMPTINESS}
My wombthat should still be {full}is instead{EMPTY}
My armsthat should be {full}are instead{EMPTY}
The little Easter dress I boughtanticipating she'd be earlythat should be {full}is instead{EMPTY}
THIS CAN'T BE REAL!I hate that~THIS~this horrible nightmareis my{reality}
I hate that {DEATH}has crushed my dreamsof being a mommy of two.
I'm hurt.I'm angry.I'm broken.I'm sad.andI feel so very{EMPTY}
April 8th, 2012{Easter Sunday}
A day that has two very differentbutvery important meanings to me.
The day the world celebrates{LIFE}I'm struggling and mourning{death}The day the Christian world celebratesthe resurrection of our SaviorI'm thinking about the celebration thatI don't get to have with my sweet Daphne.
I've found myself drowning innegative thoughtsandgrumpiness over this past week.Everywhere I go I see!!!!babies, babies, babies!!!!Every stinkin' thing I see somehow manages to remindme of what I've lost.
And nowEaster is hereand my Daphne is not.
I feel like there's no hope.I feel like it will never be "better".I feel like her death consumes me.
{I.FEEL.EMPTY}
But on this Easter SundayI know there IS hope.I know it WILL get better.I know Death does NOT consume me.
{why?}
Because whilemy tummy is {empty}&my arms are{empty}
{THE.TOMB.IS.EMPTY}!!!!!!!!!
This isn't just anideological"Christian" belief...
It's historical people!Check the books!
That hole that Jesus' body was placed in after his{DEATH}is {EMPTY}
Why? How?
Because He. Is. Risen.He is alive. He has new life.
And because of that truthmy heart has{peace} My heart has{joy}My Mommy Heart has{COMFORT}knowing that my sweet Daphne is enjoying life. The most amazing life any of us could dream of.Eternal life with the God of the Universe!
She's celebrating our Lord this{Resurrection Day}She's singing"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord Almighty!"She's dancing[with her PERFECT toes]in praise of our God.
My God is Alive.and My Sweet, Beautiful DaphneIs. Alive.
She may not be here where I want her, She may not be wiggling and gurglingand making sweet newborn cooey soundsthat I want to enjoy, But she's bringing a smile to the face of God.She's with the people I love that the Lord has taken.She's filled with joy and love and smiles.She's filled with {LIFE}
What more could a mommy ask for?
I love you sweet Daphne. I miss you more than I'll ever be able to express.I long for the moment I get to hold you again. Dance to your little heart's content.
Happy Easter Friends.Celebrate our Savior.Celebrate New Life.
Lord i lift up Jess and even to you comfort them.
ReplyDeleteHL
Awesome. Truly has encouraged me.
ReplyDeleteBeen there. My second is with Jesus too. As the hurt fades, Jesus never does!
ReplyDelete