Lately, for me, life is {straight up}confusing!
Trying to make all the right choicesDo all the right thingsBe a respectful and honoring wifeA loving, nurturing, and strong mother...
but what it feels like is:Flying around with my pants on firelike a chicken with it's head cut off{awesome mental image right?!}it's no exaggeration.
We've just completed{and by completed I mean everything is in one place}{and by no means organized}our third move since the middle of January.
We are thrilled{and incredibly blessed}to have a space of our own again.
We were so blessed by the hospitality offamily and friends over the last 5 monthsbut with a wild and crazy toddler, space toscream and make crazy messes is {invaluable}
But with our own home comes:unpackingyard sale-ingtrying to decide what's most importantthat we want to keep{since we don't have a lot of room}All the while keeping {trying}a normal routine for E who, in the meantime,has decided that she's no longer potty trained.
{like I said; pants on fire. chicken with no head}
Let me tell ya friendsfrustration levels are{flyin' up in here!}
Oh and did I mentionEvan is starting schoolI'm working more hours than I havein over two yearsand"busy"doesn't do our lifestyle justice.
I'm trying so hard to restand be at peace with{life}right now.
I'm trying to seekthe LordandHis will inall of the whacky going down.
But it's not easy.
My"Journey of Grief"{as a lot of counselor's call it}has been a strange one.
Things that I think maybeshouldset me off, usually don't.But the things that probablyshouldn'tmost always do.
A smell can remind me of Daphne andBOOMI'm done. Out of commission.
4 months is SO not long enough to process any of this!
{not to mention my patience level for people}{I feel like a terrible person sometimes}
Anyways, All this to say...
Life. Isn't. Easy.
I think we have all{mostly all}learned this in some way or another.
But, we make a choice.
We have to choose to let ourselves bedefeatedandbrought down.
OR
We choose joy. We choose to turn tothe God of the Universe who,{time after time},has pulled us out ofour messes,brushed us off,andmade us new.
No, this doesn't make hurts hurt any less.No, this doesn't make struggles disappear.
But it DOES make them lighter. {Jesus}makes them lighter.
Not Easier.
Lighter.
In "What Women Fear" Angie Smith talks about Matthew 14:22-33 (the story of Jesus walking on water). There is a moment where Peter leaves the boat and walks to Jesus. He experiences the turbulent waters and starts to sink and in that moment she pointed out he had two amazing choices. He could experience the fear of that moment and then 1. Turn to the men in the boat and ask for them to help him, or 2. Turn to Jesus and ask him to help. I had never thought of this story in this way. All I can think is how amazing it is that Peter turned to Jesus and not the men in the boat...because, how incredibly easy is it to do that?
ReplyDeleteI wanted to share that because it has provided me with a lot of support/comfort recently. Turning to Jesus does make us lighter! He made Peter light enough to walk on water!
-Carissa
So true Carissa! I really need to finish that book!
ReplyDelete