Friday, March 1, 2013

"How Can You Believe In A God Who Would...."

I remember the moment
I was asked for the first time after Daphne's passing
"How can you have faith in a God that allowed your child to die?!"

In that moment I couldn't complete any thoughts.
I didn't really know what to say or do.
All I could say was,
"How can I not?"

Since that day just about a year ago,
I've thought a lot about this. 

While I've been angry at God,
felt abandoned by God, 
thought that somehow I was being punished for something I did
{or didn't do for that matter}...
I've always come back to that moment of questioning.

"How can I have faith in a God that allowed my Daphne to die?"

I'm continually brought back to Isaiah 55
where the Lord tells us, 
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways!"
Then He tells us
"As the Heavens are higher than the Earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

I've been so comforted by this.
I know it probably sounds strange.
But I can't ignore the sovereignty of God
even in the darkest of moments.

If I didn't have faith in a God who
would allow my daughter to die,
I would be accepting that it just happened.
For no reason, no purpose,
just a freak accident that will never be explained. 
I find no comfort in that. 

But knowing that God has a beautiful purpose
for Daphne's short life fills my heart with so much peace.
I've seen His hand at work so much already.
The simple things,
the big things...

It's so easy to be distracted by what I want
and what I'm not getting to experience,
that I can quickly forget that 
His ways, His plans are so much better
than anything I could ever conjure up.
He loves me. He wants the best for me.
And His best might not always make sense
but what a beautiful life it is knowing that
He will always provide in His perfect timing.

 
This song was sent to me just days after I delivered Daphne.
It's so sweet, simple, and poignant.
Enjoy :)

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Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope
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