Ever just sit and try to think up something profound to impart on those around you?
You know...  Facebook asks "What's On Your Mind?"

Some people just say the first thing that comes to mind.
Some say the most ridiculous thing they can think of to:
a - make people laugh
b - tick people off {on purpose} or
c - just because they can.
Then there are some who I think sit all day long and think up the most
profound thing they can possibly conjure.
Sometimes I think it's impacting.
Sometimes I think they're trying to prove a point.
And sometimes...
Well, sometimes I think "Dang it! Why didn't I come up with that?!" Then I'm back to thinking about what profound bit of "wisdom" I can speak type
into existence. 
What is it about our make-up that compels us to
{NEED} to be profound?
Is it Pride? Is it a feeling of insignificance?
Is it a lack of identity?

{Why do we strive to be better than the next person?!}

The Mommy Wars
The Popularity Contest
The Pintrest-y Housewife (my craftyness is better than yours) Contest
We're living in the Ultimate Rat Race...
And our culture tells us
{It's Healthy}

If someone can do something better than me,
I must be a failure.
If someone gets attention for something that I did too, I must be insignificant.

Ahh... but how wrong we are.
While we strive to out-do our peers
and shine brightest in the middle of the sun, we achieve nothing.
Nothing but a false sense of self.
We lose sight of what matters.
We fall short.

I think
{especially in the realm of Christians}
we believe that if we say and do enough to "bring glory to God"
that we'll somehow get just a liiiiiitle more approval.
Even though we know that
we are saved by GRACE through FAITH and not by our own works so that none of us can be proud and boastful in our actions,
(Ephesians 2)
we still somehow manage to
get ourselves into competition.

{NEWS FLASH}
We can do
NOTHING
to find greater favor with God!

Should I repeat that?

We can do nothing
{AT ALL}
to increase the love that God has for us.

Can we just say
{"Praise God!"}
for that?!

What greater love is there?
No need to impress.
No need to outshine.
No need to be
{profound}.

We are who we are and where we are because of a plan far greater than our own.
We have weaknesses and strengths so that we might be grown and shaped and used
as part of this greater plan.

The Rat Race is
{OVER.}

The competition is {WON.}

You, in your simplicity, weakness, shame, pride,
guilt, are
{profound}
Let's take our mind out of the game and put it to much better use.
Let's focus what we have to give and just give it, imperfections, and all.
{Let's live simply, knowing that we are treasured by God}
Let's rest in the perfect, {profound}
love of Christ.

The last few month have been...
{insane}
to say the VERY least.

Work, School, Band, Births, School, Work
{oh yeah family time}
School, Work, Band,  {eat sometime, at some point...}

Who's idea was it again to have BOTH of us in school at the same time?
{Oy!}
We've had good days.
We've had not so good days. And we've had just downright
{rotten}
days.

Eden turned 3 which just boggles my  mind.
That was a good day!
She was the most beautiful little princess on her special day.
I thank the Lord for her every day.
She's such a beam of joy in our life.
On the darkest of days the Lord has used her to remind us of His enduring goodness. 
My husband is a rockstar!
{yes, ladies, I am beyond fortunate}
He's done so well at juggling work and school and life.
He's been full of bad jokes lately
{that's really nothing new}
and it has helped to lighten my heart.
I am so thankful to be able to call him my husband
and even more thankful that he puts up with me and my
{psychosis  idiosyncrasies}  and still continues to comfort me while I cry
and tell me I'm beautiful when I feel so very far from it.
I'm pretty sure I got the best end of the deal!

Our family has journeyed a rough road
this past year and the next few weeks promise to be bumpy. 
As I think back and remember the ins and out of this journey,
I cannot ignore the perfect guidance from God.
He has sustained us in ways that I honestly don't understand.
Finances have worked out perfectly where they really... just {shouldn't have} Schedules has been so perfectly synchronized that we've been able
to meet the needs of our family and still manage to complete
some MAJOR tasks.

I think back on this year of
hurt
blessings confusion provision love longing... and the constant is always
the goodness of our God. 
I cannot begin to explain it because honestly I don't get it. 
We have been used and stretched far beyond
my wildest imaginings.
We have been blessed and loved more than I can say "thank you" enough for.
God has given us a beautiful mess of a life and I just wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank you for your love and prayers for our little family. As we head into this season of remembering our sweet Daphne and her very silent birthday,  please continue to pray for us and please remember her with us. She has been the biggest blessing in growing our little family while we sorely miss her presence here with us.
Pray for Eden as she is really wanting a sibling
and so far, it's just not what God has for us...
Pray for Evan and I as we grow that we would be examples of Christ in all we do. 
And please know that I thank God for you everyday.

Blessings my dear friends,
I promise to be around more often...

So... here's where I'm at...
I've been struggling with some intense anger and bitterness.  {gasp... I said it} While I'm fully aware that there are others around me that "understand" my grief and my pain,  I am feeling all kinds of alone in this. 
I will say this to preface my following statements: "Sin is not logical."
I've found myself comparing my pain to others. I've found myself having a severe lack of compassion for other's faults. I've found myself totally and utterly {ticked} for really no reason at all.
And most of the time... I justify it with a pitty party.
After all... Nobody really get it. Nobody really cares. Right?
Yeah... like I said... {Sin is not logical}
And as a person who is prone to sin {who isn't?} I often act in an illogical manner.
Are my acts and attitudes justified? By no means. A few weeks ago at church we sang an old hymn that I hadn't heard in a long time.  Since that weekend,  I haven't been able to get that hymn out of my mind. "How Great Thou Art" 
"For when I think that God, his son not sparing, sent him to die, I scarce can take it in. And on the cross, my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin."
Here's where God has started chipping away at my hardened heart. my anger. my bitterness.
"God, his son not sparing, sent Him to die..."
{WHAT?!}
This really has taken on a whole different context for me. 
Not only did God suffer the death of His Son, He did it willingly that I might know Him.
{THINK ABOUT THAT!!}
Not only did Christ lose His {earthly} life in terrible and brutal way,  but he suffered willingly, that I might know Him. 
In January a family very dear to us suffered the loss of their 23 year old son. He was dear to all of us and it was devastating.  Two nights after the accident the father was comforted by God's reminder that He, too,  knows the pain of losing a child. 
That has resonated with me since.  And now that I know the pain as well,  I am filled with comfort at the reminder that God truly knows my pain. 
I often fall into a rut of self pity and bitterness.  I think that nobody knows... Nobody cares...
But I am so wrong in that.
"Then sings my soul, my savior God, to Thee, how great Thou art."
We are never so far away from God that He can't reach us. He knows our pains. He knows our hurts. He knows our deepest wounds. 
No matter where you are, No matter what you're feeling, Our God is so good.  He is great and mighty to save.  Rest and be comforted in Him.  Let us allow Christ to be our first and greatest comfort. 

Well...go figure... The weather man had it right when he said it was supposed to rain. I was a little nervous. And I can't lie... I wasn't sure anyone would come because it was raining to hard.
But they came!!! It's so hard to be excited about an event like this because we are all there for such hard reasons. But what wonderful blessing it is to be able to share in this with people who have felt the same feelings and  have had the same thoughts. 
I started praying (Eden too) this afternoon when the rain started. I know that we need the rain,  but I just wanted a 10 minute window to get the balloons up and on their way.
And the Lord was faithful :)
By 5:30 when we released the balloons, there was hardly a drizzle.


Within about 10 minutes of the release the rain picked up again. 
It was perfect. 
Thank you, Lord for your timing and provision.  Thank you for the faces that we saw today. Please comfort the hearts that are aching today for their angle babies.  Thank you, Lord, that you truly know the pain of our loss. 

I have a feeling, that today is just the first of many... I am blessed. I am thankful.
I couldn't get this song out of my head after I left the park. Thought I'd share :)
Blessings, sweet friends. Thank you for loving us. 

Today is the day.
The day that nobody knows about. 
That is, unless you do know. 
And if you do know, I'm sorry. 
Today is October 15th.
The day that families who have lost precious life long before it was time get to be a voice for those little lives.
If you're part of one of those families, I'm so sorry.
Today, millions of families all over the world stop and take time to remember these lives lost.
To remember These beating hearts that stopped too soon.
Will you remember with me today?
Every life is beautiful. Every life changes those around it. 
Remember the beautiful, amazing, blessings, that God has given to us. 
Remember the sweet, sweet beauty of new life. 
Today... October 15th... Remembering Our Babies.

Did you know that more lives are lost every year to miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal loss than  all forms of cancer combined?
Over 500,000 families each year in the United States
suffer the loss of a child before the age of 1. 
{Is This Important, Yet?}
Billions of dollars are spent on research every year to find a cure for cancer.
There still isn't even a sure known cause for the astronomical rates of death in infants. 
{Is This Important, Yet?}
If we continue to ignore the loss of babies and continue to turn a blind eye to the growing number of  pregnancy and infant losses because it makes us uncomfortable, we will have no population to save. 
We all agree that a cure MUST be found to treat those we love that are battling cancer. 
We all agree that thousands of lives are shattered every day by news of a loved one with a new diagnosis. 
Cancer is a terrible thing that is taking this country by storm!
Can we all agree that we MUST find the cause behind the loss of our children?
Can we all agree that thousands of lives are shattered EVERY DAY by a pregnancy loss or infant death?
Pregnancy and Infant Loss is a terrible thing that is taking this country by storm!
The difference between the two?
Cancer brings people together and people fight for an answer. 
Pregnancy Loss and Infant Mortality makes people uncomfortable because nobody knows what to do. 
There are many organizations that are building up resources to inform our nation about the fight for our babies. 
Still Project is a documentary film campaign that is working to break the silence surrounding Pregnancy and Infant Loss.
Face of Loss, Faces of Hope is an amazing community of families and mothers who have suffered the loss of a child from many different causes.
The March of Dimes
is a wonderful educational and research organization that reaches out to families
with premature and severely ill babies.

This month of awareness for Pregnancy and Infant Loss is not to make noise or  to have people feel sorry for those that are journeying this path.
This month of awareness for Pregnancy and Infant Loss is to break the silence. Mother's and Familiesneed to know that it is okay to speak about their babies without shame or guilt. Mother's and Families need to know that people are fighting for answers along side them. Mother's and Families need to know that  {THEY ARE NOT ALONE}

October is
(along with other "awareness'")
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

To start off the month I want to share this poem.

I really don't have anything else to say tonight
{shocking, I'm sure}
so I'll just leave you with this.
I will share more this month,
but tonight, 
just this.

A simple reminder that
these shoes are on far too many feet not to be talked about.



THESE SHOES

I wear a pair of shoes

They are ugly shoes

Uncomfortable shoes

I hate my shoes

Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step

Yet, I continue to wear them

I get funny looks wearing these shoes

They are looks of sympathy

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs

They never talk about my shoes

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off

I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes

There are many pairs in this world

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt

No woman deserves to wear these shoes

They have made me who I am

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child

-Author Unknown