So... here's where I'm at...
I've been struggling with some intense anger and bitterness.
{gasp... I said it}
While I'm fully aware that there are others around me that
"understand"
my grief and my pain,
I am feeling all kinds of alone in this.
I will say this to preface my following statements:
"Sin is not logical."
I've found myself
comparing my pain to others.
I've found myself
having a severe lack of compassion for other's faults.
I've found myself
totally and utterly
{ticked}
for really no reason at all.
And most of the time...
I justify it with a pitty party.
After all...
Nobody really get it.
Nobody really cares.
Right?
Yeah... like I said...
{Sin is not logical}
And as a person who is prone to sin
{who isn't?}
I often act in an illogical manner.
Are my acts and attitudes justified?
By no means.
A few weeks ago at church we sang an old hymn that I hadn't heard in a long time.
Since that weekend,
I haven't been able to get that hymn out of my mind.
"How Great Thou Art"
"For when I think that God, his son not sparing, sent him to die, I scarce can take it in.
And on the cross, my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin."
Here's where God has started chipping away at
my hardened heart.
my anger.
my bitterness.
"God, his son not sparing, sent Him to die..."
{WHAT?!}
This really has taken on a whole different context for me.
Not only did God suffer the death of His Son, He did it willingly
that I might know Him.
{THINK ABOUT THAT!!}
Not only did Christ lose His {earthly} life in terrible and brutal way,
but he suffered willingly, that I might know Him.
In January a family very dear to us suffered the loss of their 23 year old son.
He was dear to all of us and it was devastating.
Two nights after the accident the father was comforted by God's reminder
that He, too, knows the pain of losing a child.
That has resonated with me since.
And now that I know the pain as well,
I am filled with comfort at the reminder that
God truly knows my pain.
I often fall into a rut of self pity and bitterness.
I think that nobody knows...
Nobody cares...
But I am so wrong in that.
"Then sings my soul, my savior God, to Thee, how great Thou art."
We are never so far away from God that He can't reach us.
He knows our pains.
He knows our hurts.
He knows our deepest wounds.
No matter where you are,
No matter what you're feeling,
Our God is so good.
He is great and mighty to save.
Rest and be comforted in Him.
Let us allow Christ to be our first and greatest comfort.
I may not know exactly what you are going through but I can sort of relate. If you ever get bored feel free to read my blog.
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