Well...go figure... The weather man had it right when he said it was supposed to rain. I was a little nervous. And I can't lie... I wasn't sure anyone would come because it was raining to hard.
But they came!!! It's so hard to be excited about an event like this because we are all there for such hard reasons. But what wonderful blessing it is to be able to share in this with people who have felt the same feelings and  have had the same thoughts. 
I started praying (Eden too) this afternoon when the rain started. I know that we need the rain,  but I just wanted a 10 minute window to get the balloons up and on their way.
And the Lord was faithful :)
By 5:30 when we released the balloons, there was hardly a drizzle.


Within about 10 minutes of the release the rain picked up again. 
It was perfect. 
Thank you, Lord for your timing and provision.  Thank you for the faces that we saw today. Please comfort the hearts that are aching today for their angle babies.  Thank you, Lord, that you truly know the pain of our loss. 

I have a feeling, that today is just the first of many... I am blessed. I am thankful.
I couldn't get this song out of my head after I left the park. Thought I'd share :)
Blessings, sweet friends. Thank you for loving us. 

Today is the day.
The day that nobody knows about. 
That is, unless you do know. 
And if you do know, I'm sorry. 
Today is October 15th.
The day that families who have lost precious life long before it was time get to be a voice for those little lives.
If you're part of one of those families, I'm so sorry.
Today, millions of families all over the world stop and take time to remember these lives lost.
To remember These beating hearts that stopped too soon.
Will you remember with me today?
Every life is beautiful. Every life changes those around it. 
Remember the beautiful, amazing, blessings, that God has given to us. 
Remember the sweet, sweet beauty of new life. 
Today... October 15th... Remembering Our Babies.

Did you know that more lives are lost every year to miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal loss than  all forms of cancer combined?
Over 500,000 families each year in the United States
suffer the loss of a child before the age of 1. 
{Is This Important, Yet?}
Billions of dollars are spent on research every year to find a cure for cancer.
There still isn't even a sure known cause for the astronomical rates of death in infants. 
{Is This Important, Yet?}
If we continue to ignore the loss of babies and continue to turn a blind eye to the growing number of  pregnancy and infant losses because it makes us uncomfortable, we will have no population to save. 
We all agree that a cure MUST be found to treat those we love that are battling cancer. 
We all agree that thousands of lives are shattered every day by news of a loved one with a new diagnosis. 
Cancer is a terrible thing that is taking this country by storm!
Can we all agree that we MUST find the cause behind the loss of our children?
Can we all agree that thousands of lives are shattered EVERY DAY by a pregnancy loss or infant death?
Pregnancy and Infant Loss is a terrible thing that is taking this country by storm!
The difference between the two?
Cancer brings people together and people fight for an answer. 
Pregnancy Loss and Infant Mortality makes people uncomfortable because nobody knows what to do. 
There are many organizations that are building up resources to inform our nation about the fight for our babies. 
Still Project is a documentary film campaign that is working to break the silence surrounding Pregnancy and Infant Loss.
Face of Loss, Faces of Hope is an amazing community of families and mothers who have suffered the loss of a child from many different causes.
The March of Dimes
is a wonderful educational and research organization that reaches out to families
with premature and severely ill babies.

This month of awareness for Pregnancy and Infant Loss is not to make noise or  to have people feel sorry for those that are journeying this path.
This month of awareness for Pregnancy and Infant Loss is to break the silence. Mother's and Familiesneed to know that it is okay to speak about their babies without shame or guilt. Mother's and Families need to know that people are fighting for answers along side them. Mother's and Families need to know that  {THEY ARE NOT ALONE}

October is
(along with other "awareness'")
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

To start off the month I want to share this poem.

I really don't have anything else to say tonight
{shocking, I'm sure}
so I'll just leave you with this.
I will share more this month,
but tonight, 
just this.

A simple reminder that
these shoes are on far too many feet not to be talked about.



THESE SHOES

I wear a pair of shoes

They are ugly shoes

Uncomfortable shoes

I hate my shoes

Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step

Yet, I continue to wear them

I get funny looks wearing these shoes

They are looks of sympathy

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs

They never talk about my shoes

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off

I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes

There are many pairs in this world

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt

No woman deserves to wear these shoes

They have made me who I am

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child

-Author Unknown

Desire: To long or hope for. To ache, crave, yearn, or wish for.
Let me ask,  {What is your heart's desire?}
let this settle. simmer. 
Psalm 37:4 {that oh so famous (and abused if I may say so) verse} "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Oooohhhh...
so, we pray, we worship, we do good things that bring God glory... Then we get what we want, right?!
Seriously though, raise your hand if you ever prayed for a new car or a boyfriend or girlfriend or an A on the test you didn't study for... {you don't actually have to raise your hand} How many times did it happen? Maybe it did. But was it because you "did good stuff for God?"
Uhhh... No.  God is not a magic genie! Your wish is {NOT} His command. 
It's because God is gracious and merciful. 
Otherwise,  we'd all get a whole lot worse that coal in our stockings. {amiright?}
Let's continue down to the more important {in my opinion} and frequently ignored subsequent verses.
Psalm 37:5-7 "5Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act. 6He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. 7{here's the kicker!!!} Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!"
Be Still?
Wait Patiently?! {anyone else shiver when they read that "P" word?}
Want to know my desire?
I really, really want to have another baby.
Surprised? Probably not. 
I've "delighted myself in the Lord." I've praised Him in the "good and bad".
WHY. AM. I. NOT. PREGNANT?!
Am I being punished? No. Am I unworthy? No.
I've become SO obsessed with all the ways to "ensure conception" {betcha didn't know you could do that!} I've done all the tricks to try and time  {things} just right... No Success. 
I've pleaded and pleaded with God to just fill my womb with life. I've been good! I read my Bible. I pray!
But... Where is my focus? Am I reading and praying so that I might grow with the Lord? Am I seeking that His will would be made real in my life? Am I allowing myself to be {delighted} by Him? I mean true delight.
Delight: A high degree of gratification;  extreme satisfaction.
Am I delighted? Am I {Extremely Satisfied} by God?
Usually? ... no. And it's usually because I'm distracted by what I want and don't have. 
We've stopped "trying" to get Pregnant.  We've decided that there's nothing we can or cannot do to make this happen.
The Lord knows when He {if} He will bless us again. 
I'm learning to let my heart and my yearning be {delighted} by the God who has been so faithful to us. 
Am I perfect? Most certainly not.  I fail daily. But I'm learning. 
So let me ask again... {What is your heart's desire?}



A beautiful song. A great reminder.  Blessings, dear friends!

Here's to stirring up the pot...

I will start this post by stating that  this is not directed toward anyone in specific {my thoughts have accumulated over time} I simply want to ask this question to get thoughts moving and start some inward inspection... and perhaps change.
"What example are we setting?" I'm really overwhelmed and discouraged at the number of women I know that are absolutely wrapped up in the "Fifty Shades" drama.  Women who {boldly proclaim their faith in Christ} Women who {are openly opposed to men viewing pornography}
Women who {are saving their sexual purity for marriage}
Women who... {Are Married}    And the open dialogue of how "amazing" the books are. Or better yet, the excitement surrounding that fact that it's going to be a movie!! {seriously?! You're going to to go to the movies} {IN PUBLIC} {and watch this?!}
I just can't handle it...

As Christians,  we are called to live a life that is pleasing to God.  And to glorify Him in all we do. I'm not here to say "You Sinner's! Stop and Repent!!!"
My cry is that you consider the costs.  If you were to walk into a room and see your Husband, Fiancee, Boyfriend, Brother or {SON} even flipping through a nudy magazine,  Lets be honest... You'd be ticked! {I know I sure as heck would be!} And chances are you would feel like you aren't enough. You would feel like your husband wasn't satisfied by you. Or for those of you that aren't married yet  you would feel that you aren't worth waiting for. Or that you aren't a good enough example of a woman for the younger men in your life to keep their eyes pure.
Having all of this in mind, consider this... Sitting in your room,  enjoying the steamy, erotic, pages of a Fifty Shades book and in walks your Husband, Fiancee, Boyfriend, Brother...{SON}... How is your husband going to feel? Will he feel like you aren't satisfied by him? Your Fiancee? Boyfriend? Are they not enough for you to wait for to experience these things that are intended to be shared in your marriage? Your brother? Your Son?  What are they to think? Here you are reading {in detail} about other people having sex... {Pornography} What example are we setting for the men in our lives?
I think this is something that Christian and Non-Christian alike should be considering. 
{and side note ** it's a total slap in the face that the main character of this series is named "Christian"**}
We all want to set a solid example for our loved ones,  {right?}
"I think I want to encourage my children to sexual frivolity" {said No Parent Ever!}
What is it going to take to wake us up to the junk that is infiltrating our lives?
What image of sexual intimacy are we painting for our children? I pray that this be a question that you ask yourself. 
What example is set before your children, your siblings, Your Husband/Fiancee? 
Please hear me,  {Sin. Is. Sin} We cannot judge and say that one sin is greater than another.  We all sin.  We all struggle with right and wrong.  But that doesn't mean we go on doing it because it's fun or because {it feels good.}
Sin comes in many shades and apparently this "Fifty Shades of Grey" is a stumbling block for a lot of women. 
I know that many of you who read this aren't necessarily  self proclaiming followers of the Christian Faith. I appreciate your thoughts and input in my life,  so please understand that I find this crude and wrong even outside of my beliefs of Christianity.   
For my fellow believers in Christ, I'm going to leave you with this challenge...
Romans 6: 1 Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more kindness and forgiveness? 2 Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it? 3 Or have you forgotten that when we became Christians and were baptized to become one with Christ Jesus, we died with him? 4 For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives. 5Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised as he was. 6 Our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. 7 For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. 8 And since we died with Christ, we know we will also share his new life. 9 We are sure of this because Christ rose from the dead, and he will never die again. Death no longer has any power over him. 10 He died once to defeat sin, and now he lives for the glory of God. 11 So you should consider yourselves dead to sin and able to live for the glory of God through Christ Jesus. 12 Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to its lustful desires. 13 Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life. And use your whole body as a tool to do what is right for the glory of God.

Okay... It's been a bit, yeah? Well that's because {A LOT} has happened. 
We moved {again} We have {kind of} gotten back into a regular schedule and We've made some pretty major life shifts. 
Wanna know what's up?!
Good! 'Cause I'm gonna tell ya. 
As of tomorrow,  Thursday August 9th, Evan will no longer be employed by the Gospel Rescue Mission of Grants Pass.
This is a very bitter sweet move for us. His position there for the past three years has blessed our family in ways that truly only God knows. It has been an incredible journey and a wonderful growth experience for both Evan and I. 
While we are sad to leave the Mission,  we are very excited to announce that Evan has been offered a more "permanent" position at GPHS working with the band at a deeper capacity than he has over the last several years. He will be the Percussion Instructor and help Travis with other things that need to be done. 
We've been praying for the Lord to make clear where He wants Evan and we're confident that this is where we've been lead.
This new position will also work very well with Evan's school schedule that will begin in the end of September. He will be attending RCC to finish his Associates Degree and later move onto a Bachelor's program elsewhere {don't worry, it'll likely be online so we're not going anywhere} {yet}
As for me, after a lot of prayer and "soul seeking" I've decided to start a program to become a Perinatal Health Educator. I'll start in September and hopefully by February will be a certified Labor and Postpartum Doula as well as a certified Childbirth Educator and Lactation Counselor. 
I'm very excited that I've landed here and can't wait to start learning more about something that I'm already so passionate about. 
As for Eden, well, I swear she is getting smarter by the second and I still am in awe of the blessing that she is to us. We are excited to watch her grow and learn and see what the Lord has in store for her sweetness. 
We are still fighting the battle of everyday grief and missing our Daphne deeply. Eden asks daily if there's "a new baby in mommy's tummy yet". I have to fight back tears and frustration each time I tell her "no, not yet, but we pray it will be soon."
And indeed we pray. This journey has been one that has grown us in ways we never could have imagined but we are blessed in the midst. And I have to let go of my control issues {surprised?} and trust that in His timing the Lord will bless us with another sweet baby. {please pray for me in this regard.} {this has been a deep struggle for me} 
Please,  pray with us as we make yet another transition in just a few short months.  We know that our God is our provider, our protection, and our comfort.  And all these paths in life that He leads us on are For His glory and our good. 
Blessings, dear friends,  P.S. I heard this song today and it definitely was a wonderful reminder of how awesome is the God we serve. 
Enjoy!