Saturday, February 9, 2013
Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously... {Confessions of a worn out Mom}
Are you ready for this?
{I'm not holding back on this one...}
Breastfed until she was 18 months old.
Was passed around as newborn to everyone and their mother.
Doesn't get a bath everyday.
Is vaccinated.
Memorizes scripture.
Watches Movies.
Is usually stark naked when we're home alone.
Is very picky about the clothes she wears (and I let her be...).
And
is one of the most well rounded, loving, friendly, creative
Don't cook meals everyday.
Read 800 10 books in a row to E.
Don't clean the toilet {NEARLY} as much as I should.
Am extremely uncomfortable and self conscious around most women.
Sometimes forget to brush my teeth.
Make my bed almost every morning.
Sometimes don't get a shower for days on end.
Vacuum the living room constantly.
Don't do laundry until I almost literally {HAVE} to.
Would much rather spend time playing and let the house be messy.
Lose my temper with my husband.
Don't spend enough quiet time alone.
make my family my priority, leaving me with few strong friendships, but it's worth it to be able to know that my family knows they are loved more than I can say.
Soooo... Why did I tell you all of this?
Because I'm not perfect.
Everywhere I look moms are striving to "be better mommies".
Often, it's not necessarily because they're bad mommies,
but because Susie-So-n-So down the street is the epitome
of Motherhood and no one can compare to that...
I can't cook.
I don't know how to sew.
I'm such a terrible mother because I let my child have sugar.
My baby doesn't nap like Susie-So-n-So's.
I must be doing everything wrong!
OR
Mom's have the
"I know what's best for my child and therefore I know what's best for yours"
complex.
"Don't feed fruit solids first or your child will become a sugar addict!!"
"Don't use _____ kind of diapers because _____ happens!"
"MY baby crawled at 4 months! There must be something wrong with your 7 month old who can't even scoot yet!"
"I bought ______ car seat because it's the ONLY one that's safe! You should STOP using that cheap one so your baby doesn't die!"
"What?!?! You had an epidural for your birth?! I'm surprised your baby doesn't have 14 heads!!!"
"You don't brush your toothless infants gums?!?! You may as well doom them to back woods living in the Appalachian Mountains... they'll never have teeth!"
We focus sooo much on things that, in long run...
DON'T MATTER.
Yes, it's important to make these decisions for your children.
But PLEASE, by
ALL MEANS
don't make your decisions based on others
{and super duper pretty please}
don't feel that you have the right to make my decision for me.
I've been disheartened by the
"Mompetition"
{as I heard so greatly phrased by a friend recently}
that has begun to dictate our culture.
Being a mom is darn tough job.
We have enough to deal with
without
comparing ourselves or being compared to
other moms.
I struggle with this just as much as anyone.
I often feel inadequate compared to some of my friends who really just seem to get
{everything}
right.
Then sometimes I feel like I do get something right
and that nasty little pride comes out and feels like I should be publicly awarded
{Mother of the Year!}
(the later doesn't happen as often and the former)
Here's the deal:
God reminds us time and TIME again that our identity is in Him, not in the world.
Okay, how many of you are thinking of the ever acclaimed
Proverb 31 Woman
??
"She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard...."
(Proverbs 31:15-16 ESV)
"She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple...."
(Proverbs 31:18-22 ESV)
"She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:..."
(Proverbs 31:24-28 ESV)
How the HECK did she do that?!?!?!
She works.
She plants gardens (vineyards).
Apparently, she never sleeps.
She's darn proud of the stuff she makes, so she sells it.
She feeds the poor and hungry along with her entire household.
She makes her own sheets and blankets and clothes.
She's the smartest lady you know.
She's so nice that she's everyone's best friend.
Her children and husband tell her she's AWESOME!...
HOW DID SHE GET SOOOOO GOOD?!?!?!
First of all, I'd like to say, this wasn't "all in a days work" for her.
This was a lifetime of striving to glorify God.
Secondly, I'd like to say
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
(Proverbs 31:30 ESV)
If it weren't for her obedience to God, none of this would matter.
Not
one. little. ounce.
Colossians 3 is an incredible reminder of who are in Christ.
"...seek the things that are above,
where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."
If you tend to fall into the pit of
"I'm a failure and I need to be like her..."
remember this!
Our goal is not to impress people,
but rather that we find our true identity in Christ
and the things that He has in store for us.
Consequently,
5 Put to death therefore; what is earthly in you:...
7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth....
11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all."
If you tend to fall into the "better mommy than thou" type
remember this!
It's not what we do that matters. It's how we do it. People come from all different walks of life. What works for Joe doesn't necessarily work for Bob
and
{That's. Okay.}
because in Christ, we are are made new.
And for all of us to remember,
When we do feel the need to express a
genuine concern for the well being of someone else'
lifestyle
{or parenting}
choices,
"12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another,forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
You may be right about what you're saying, Supermama,
but if you can't be kind and humble and loving about it,
you've failed at conveying a message of concern
and have destroyed the confidence of another Mama.
Likewise,
You cannot compare your dirty dishes to a Better Homes and Garden's cover.
Seek Christ to fulfill those trenches of doubt.
Stop looking to others for approval.
You leave yourself vulnerable to the hurt that world will no doubt give abundantly.
To wrap up this very long and urgent
{rant}...
We wear ourselves down to nothing some days.
We have nothing left to give.
And in these moments, I am glad to know
that the only opinion that really matters,
is that One that can restore my weakness.
This song is for all of us mama's {and papa's}
who are tired.
Tired of fighting... tired of failing...
Tired of never measuring up...
{WORN}
{WORN}
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Hello gorgeous! As we took the babies on the first bike ride after months of cruddy weather up here in Corvallis, I was reminded of you and your stinkin' awesome family (now confirmed to be even more awesome after reading this blog post :) I wanted to say thank you for your generosity again and let you know that we have gotten great use out of your gifts. I cancelled my Facebook some time ago(I realized I was pretty lonely for having ninety some fb "freinds", lol, figured I should take some time to focus on being a better friend in real life :) I often think of you though. :) I started taking the kids to a small church across the street from our place and we are really enjoying it.
ReplyDeleteI have "stopped by" a few times to read your writing (which is always so refreshing and candid,btw) but this post struck a cord with me! seriously, get out of my head :P Haha. I have often fallen into the traps you describe. Feeling inadequate because I don't do xyz and well as so-and-so, or feeling immense pressure to provide all the "RIGHT stuff/activities/routines" for the babies (if I may still call them babies, lol). As time goes on though, I've begun to realize that the Beatles were right...all you need is love, and really, that's all any kid needs too. Your words here give me such a sense of relief that I am not alone in sometimes feeling overwhelmed by "mompetition".(brilliantly coined)
Thanks for writing. I hope you write a book some day!
I just happened to stumble across your blog and I'm dang glad I did! I've been having one of those pull your hair out scream into a pillow kind of days and its nice to read something that talks about how we as moms can fall short and thank goodness for God's grace. You are a gifted writer. Thank you for your honesty and I can't agree with you more on the competition between us moms. We forget that we should be eachothers cheerleaders. Thank you for the pick me up today!
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